In other news….I absolutly LOVE my new position at work, I LOVE it!! The day flies by.

In other other news, apparently I have a bladder infection and I didn’t know it. well for the last week I’ve had an intense pain in my lower right back (yes I do know I only have one back but you know what I mean) and since Saturday I’ve had a fever, so I’ve been waiting for it to go away on it’s own and it’s not, so I finally sucked it up and went to the after hours clinic, and yeah, it’s a bladder infection, the doctor was a little unsure at first because I don’t have the normal tell tale symptons of urgency to pee and burning pee, but then he probed some more and I shared that I’m on prednisone and methotrexate and then he concluded that the prednisone probably masked the symptons, prednisone does tend to do that. thanks prednisone.

So yeah that’s my week in a nutshell, I’ll post some pictures of my new bike sometime, they are on my facebook too so you can take a look if your on my facebook.

until next time,

T

ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you…..

I’m fat. I know, I know you’re thinking well do somthing about it then. *sigh* I want to. but I don’t know how. That sounds stupid, yes I realize that. I’ve alwas been able to diet sucsessfully in the past and I was doing great up until I got sick 2 years ago. Now, it feels impossible. I’ve gained 30lbs in one year!! I know! that’s horrible! See, whenever I’ve went on a healthy eating plan in the past I’ve also exercised, I feel fantastic when I exercise and it inspires me to eat well too. I love walking and jogging, and biking. But now I can’t. I’ve kept waiting to get on meds that work so I can walk and run again, but it’s just not happening. I’m still limping just as much as I ever was. I need a real good easy to do eating plan, that I can easily follow. It’s hard when you have to make a meal for six people and it’s way easier to just est what everyone else is eating. But man I can’t gain more weight, I just can’t I feel like an ogre. I don’t want to go anywhere, I’m embaressed to be this size again. All My clothes are too tight, I look ridiculous but I ca’t afford to buy a whole new wardrobe in a size bigger. *HELP*

I’m really getting depressed over the weight gain. I can’t exercise because of the pain in my knees and heel, and I’ve been waiing for the medication to really work but thats not working.

I’m super excited for my best friend’s wedding in less then 2 months but at the same time I’m dreading standing in front of people in dress looking like a blow fish. And the pictures? I don’t even want to think about it.

*sigh*

I took my daughter to see the Hanna movie and it was the first time I heard her new song “The Climb” I love it and I love the lyrics.

I can almost see it
That dream I’m dreaming but
There’s a voice inside my head sayin,
You’ll never reach it,
Every step I’m taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb

The struggles I’m facing,
The chances I’m taking
Sometimes might knock me down but
No I’m not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I’m going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I’m gonna to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb (yeah)

There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain’t about how fast I get there,
Ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side
It’s the climb (yeah yeah ea ea)

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It’s all about
It’s all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Isn’t that beautiful? It makes me think of one of my favorite Bible passages:

James 1:2-4 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. ⁴Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

We all face uphills battles, and it feels horiblke when we’re going through them, sometimes it feels like nothing will ever be right again, It’s so big we can’t see over or around it. We do get over the mountain, but it’s not about what’s on the other side, it’s what we learn during the climb!

Gotta git to work!!

Have a great day all and take joy in all your climbs!

Tina

Which begs the question, why am I cranky? hmmm….lots to think about.

I guess some history is require for anyone who doesn’t know about my spiritual life. It’s a really long story not all of which I’m confortable sharing but the long of the short of it is I used to go to Church regularily and was very involved and very close to God. Through a course of events I stopped going and fell away, far away. I was completely disconected. I always knew in the back of my head that I wasn’t making the right choices but it wasa just where I was, this was about 2 to 3 years ago I think. Recently, over the past few months well close to a year really, I knew I needed to go back, and reconnect, but it was hard and uncomfortable and I was working nights so it didn’t fit with my schedule. 4 weeks ago I started Credit training, Monday-Friday days so schedule wise I didn’t have any excuses. So I went. It felt right, uncomfortable but right. But I feel cranky and tired and like I just want to be alone and well kind of depressed afterwards, all 3 times that I’ve gone. I just noticed the pattern today, it’s a subconscious thing. Now that I’ve noticed the pattern I’m trying to analyze it and figure it out. I’m thinking it’s sort of an inner demon thing? My self, my dependant “I can do it on my own” self is fighting me, my decision to go back. A inner struggle on a subconscious level? does that make sence? What do I do about it Will time make it go away? I’m thinking probably not, I think it’s something I have to proactively desl with. I haven’t been so good with the praying and talking to God thing lately, but that is what I’m going to have to do to deal with this isn’t it? I’m open to any other suggestions? lol. It’s kinda scary. It’s like having a fight with your best friend and not talking to them for 3 years then walking back and trying to start a conversation. Where do you start? It’s not like I haven’t talked to God at all in 3 years cause I have, just few and far between. I needed God especially when my dad passed, I couldn’t have got through that on my own, but then I fell away again. The upside is I know God is more gracious and accepting then a human best friend would be; using that analogy, so it’s not shame holding me back….it’s just weird and uncomfortable.

So yeah, thats where I at. The depression after church thing, anyone have any thoughts on that? If you don’t want to comment here where the world can read it, please feel free to email me tina.morningstar@rogers.com.

thats all for now, Shane’s dragging me out to the meat market when all I feel like doing is hiding in my room by myself.

I won’t let you down Nancy!!

I forget how to hyperlink?

I’ve decided to start blogging again. I was reading Nancy’s blog and she said that she cleaned out her bloglines, and I thought “Oh No”, I bet she deleted me because I haven’t blogged in a forever; so I asked her…and it was true. So now I feel like I have to redeem myself in the blogging world. LOL

So since it’s been a long time and I have no idea how many things have changed since I last updated you all that I’, just going to blog about random topics that are going on in my life right now.

There are some very exciting things going on!! Well exciting to me, but my life is pretty boring so my exciting, probably isn’t your exciting but nevertheless:

Exciting thing #1: We’re uying a bike! Okay well really it’s Shane’s, but I get to be the passenger so I’m excited to. It’s been like 11 years since we sold our last one, and finally we can afford one again. We should have it next week sometime!!

Exciting thing # 2: If your on my facebook, you may remember that in mid february I was talking about perhaps making a change of the career variety, well I applied for credit, and I got accepted, and I’ve been in training for the last 4 weeks, and I start on the phones this week!! I’m very excited about it!

Exciting thing # 3: The wedding is coming, The wedding is coming!! *squeal*. My best friend’s wedding is just over 2 months away. I can’t beleive time has passed so fast. I can’t wait for her wedding, it’s going to be so fun!!

So those are my most exciting things right now….. Alot has happened/changed since I last bloged I know. Wha would you like to know? feel free to ask questions, I’m an open book, well for the most part. lol.

I’m rusty when it comes to blogging…any topic suggestions? haha

ttfn

You gotta Love PMS, sarcasm intended. Once every 28 days; normal, level headed, mature, sane, confident women turn into hormone raging, immature, irrational, over emotional, cranky, paranoid, petty, super bitches. Well at least I do anyway. It drives me crazy.

And as you guessed, I’m in the throws of the supernatural phenomenon right now. I get so emotional, it’s crazy, it’s like I’m 16 again, and paranoid? everyone is out to get me. Work goes from something I enjoy and feel confident and good about to something I dread, and feel like I’m doing everything wrong, and analyze my every move and every one Else’s. Just for one week every 28 days….but I get so irrational, and moody. Does every woman get that bad? It’s like I need antidepressants for that one week every 28 days. I become a mess…Sad…self pitying…depressed, mopey. I don’t even want to go to work. blah. I’m blah.

Someone tell me I’m normal? please? Because I don’t feel very normal, I’m like, “what the hell is wrong with me?” 

Okay, enough about that. In things to look forward to…I cna’t wait for the weekend. Shane and I are going to go out to see a movie Friday night, a date. yay. Has anyone seen the new one with Samuel L Jackson yet? that’s what we’re going to go see. I’m excited.

2. What is your weapon of choice?
*** My brain.

3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?
*** Not on purpose, only in self defence or if I was extremely provoked

4. How about of the same sex?
*** Not on purpose, only in self defence or if I was extremely provoked

5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?
*** Hmm…I don’t know, I’m so perfect, people rarely get angry with me.

6. What is your pet peeve?
*** I have many… most od them are work related, I think the biggest non work related one would have to be people who don’t take ownership of their actions.

7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
*** No. i don’t hold grudges. People make mistakes, we’re all human 

SLOTH

1. What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you don’t?
*** Just one? there is allot I can’t do because of my knees….

2. What is the latest you’ve ever woken up?
*** recenly? 10:30amish

4. What is the last lame excuse you made?
*** I’m not much forexcuses, I’m usually  brutally honest.

5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?
*** probably, when I was extremely bored

time you got in a good workout?
*** forever ago.

7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?
*** None

GLUTTONY
1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?

don’t really have one

*** 2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat??

*** White

3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you’ve had in one sitting/outing/event?

*** I usually drink a quart to a 40 of rum in an evening.

4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?

*** Oh yeah. Weight Watchers,.

5. Do you have an issue with your weight?

*** yes

6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy?

*** all of the above.

7. Have you ever looked at a small house pet or child and thought “lunch”?

*** Um, no!

LUST

1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)

*** too many to count.

2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family).

*** see # 1.

3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of the opposite gender during a normal conversation?

*** No not really.

4. Have you ever kissed two people in one night?

*** yes

5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?

*** BOOBS!

6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?

*** No.

GREED

1. How many credit cards do you own?

*** 2.

2. What’s your guilty pleasure store?

*** All

3. Would you rather be rich, or famous?

*** Definitely rich. In fact if I ever get rich one of the luxuries that I’d be thrilled to afford is anonymousity. (Is that spelled right?) I’m keeping Nancy’s answer

4. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?

*** I don’t think…but who knows.

5. Have you ever stolen anything?

*** No, I’ve taken things back into stores that I forgot to pay for or was in the bottom of the cart etc.

6. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?

*** allot.

PRIDE

1. What’s one thing you have done that you’re most proud of?
*** I’m proud of many things.

2. What one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?
*** don’t know, buying a house maybe.

3. What things would you like to accomplish in your life?
*** weight loss

4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?
*** depends on the challenge, and who I’m competeing against.

5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?

*** No… I don’t think

6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?

*** Not that I recall

7. What did you do today that you’re proud of?

*** I went to work even though I was in an incredible pain.

ENVY

1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?

*** Bike.

2. Who would you want to go on “Trading Spaces” with?

*** No one…

3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?

*** Me

4. Have you ever been cheated on?

*** not that I know of.

5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?

*** yes.

6. What inborn trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?

*** none.